USA FREEZER'S Exclusive interview

An exclusive interview with Santa Monica’s most desired, Mr. Jamestown Massacre. We lucked out and got the major scoop on how he started the cult favorite,
USA FREEZER’S COALITION.

Tell me, what was the inspiration for the USA Freezer’s Coalition?
“Um, inspiration for USA freezers was, like….. suspend living things in raw form through liquid preservation.”

How many attendee’s in the Coalition?
“Probably 6 of us, all under the age of 7.”

Who was the leader?
“Craig Chapman was the leader of all things bad, per usual, but my residence was used as the laboratory. So that made me the guy. If I wasn’t home the whole mission would not formalize.”

What were the best possible environmental conditions for the USA Freezers to perform?
“Usually took place on hot sunny summer afternoons, and the bees were a buzzin and dragonflies were a flyin, and the monarch butterflies were a perching. Most of god’s creatures were suckling up nectar unsuspectingly off guard.
We nabbed, with one wing. Pinching fingers like chopsticks and as quiet as a church mouse. And grabbing the wing while they flutter and grabbing a cup and immersing them in water and taking a stick and jabbing them into the cup.”

Then Massacre made a freaky face..

What is something that USA Freezer Fans might not know about the Coalition?
“My grandfather worked for Dixie cup, he gotta us billions and billions of old school Dixie cups. That were probably worth money. We could make antiques roadshow cream with delight in the style of cups we have. The prints we could use for wallpaper inspiration in movie stars homes.”

What was the most incredible creature you froze?
“A giant black bumblebee, the size of a small frog. Animatronics. We were thinking it had a remote control.”

Tell us how the USA Freezers empire fell apart?
“We got more mature. We stopped at age 9. Two summers, then we started doing the cat trick. Which is a gorilla mask that we would tie fishing strings through the eyeballs and attach a piece of evergreen branch with a furry ball attached. Then we would place the mask under a parked car and then pull the string across the street hide and pull the device until a car would stop as if it were hitting a cat.. We laughed”

“And we did that for a few years. That was our favorite. Then the rope trick.
Which I won’t explain….”

Emma, Massacre’s associate, made a freaky face.
Emma: “That that’s what my straight edge friends did since they had nothing else to do.”
Emma started drinking at 14

Massacre, is there anything else you would like to add?
“Messing with god’s creatures is an ugly business. I have undergone a change. I will save an ant from my bedroom carpet. I will turn off my shower to save a spider. And I will capture a mosquito in the dead of night just to let it out, instead of squishing”